Easter hellebore

I haven't blogged much in ages, but thought why not upload a couple of pics now that I was trying to get a few photos of my new hellebore.

I love hellebores, but it's more about admiring them in photos and flower shops than actually buying any as they're a bit pricey and I'm a bit broke. But this friday I went shopping and spotted some hellebores. The gorgeous purple and double ones were too expensive for me, but then my sis spotted a shelf with smaller hellebores that were on offer. Half price off, I think. So of cause I had to get one.

This is the one I really wanted but thought was beyond my price range at 200 SEK (approx. 17 GBP/22 EUR/24 USD). It was one of the big ones, perhaps three or four times the height of the one I bought. And a gorgeous, gorgeous colour.


So far the one I did get is indoors, but I'll have to figure out a good place to plant it outdoors. Not sure where to put it. Don't think they'll end up near our other hellebores, which look like this. Don't want those colours together. Maybe there's place somewhere near some of the snowdrops – which, like the crocus, is really spreading out on the lawns nowadays – so they'll create some sort of spring flower corner. Maybe. We'll have to see.

Anyway, as you can see below I got an assistant when taking the photos. It's one of the kittens we accidentally got last summer. A little cutie, don't you think? I find it hard to get good pics of hellebores, but a little cat improves any photo.

For these photos – taken in poor light as heavy rain clouds started to cover the sky – I covered the plastic flower pot it came in with pieces of bark clad in moss that I took from some old logs lying behind the barn. Fastened them with a matching piece of embroidery floss.


One of the reasons for taking the photo was to test putting something on my relatively new Instragram account. Have thought about trying it out ever since getting a modern phone. Something easier than blogging, just putting a pic up every now and then, I thought, something to act as as an alternative to my blog for those who like it when I'm not in the mood to do proper blog posts. But so far it hasn't been able to really pull me in. A small phone that's slightly too old to be really useful for the purpose and my being a newbie with little time to learn has hampered me. (Also, I suck at taking photos with the phone. The camera in it is good, the photographer isn't.) I'm trying to keep it bilingual, with swedish as the "first language".

It's not very interesting right now, but if you're curious or want to see more pics for me, why not check it out?

Ännu en bild på min #julros (nu utan katt). Ser lite mer av den klädda krukan. Mossan och barken den sitter på tog jag från en bunke med gammalt bränne som vi har liggande. Bröt loss några lagom stora bitar och knöt fast med grönt brodergarn runt plastkrukan. Ett enkelt #pyssel för finare foto. Moss clad pot with #hellebore. #helleborus #garden #trädgård

Ett foto publicerat av maneki (@manekibeader) Mar 27, 2016 kl. 11:15 PDT

I'm so note comfortable with hashtags. Too many? Too few? Too generic? Too useless? Too unnecessary? I've got much to learn...

~*~

Oh, now that I'm doing a blog post I must of cause not forget to end this post by wishing you a

Happy Easter!

.
Glad påsk!

Hope you're lucky enough to relax and enjoy some sunshine, budding flowers, a gentle spring breeze, birdsong and everything else one wish this season to bring.

It's that day of the year again

I've ended up not blogging very much these last two years, but I haven't give up on my two "traditions" of documenting the last day of the year and waiting for the first snowdrops and so at least two times of the year I'll remember this blog.

This year, it's been a very warm December (one day, earlier in the month they claimed on the radio that many parts of Sweden had had the same temperature as on midsummer's eve). Snow on a couple of days, frost on others, but most of the days have been warm for the season. And rainy. This last week or so it's gotten a bit colder, with frost staying on north side of hills and in the shadows through the day. To top it all off, when I looked out the windows the sky was blue with just a few light clouds and the sun was shining, but I didn't see the wall of clouds moving in from the west so the sunlight disappeared far too early compared to my calculations. All in all, not the greatest weather to photograph (not even moody fog like last year), but I do have a few more photos to show that back in 2012. You can't change the weather, just your own attitude towards it.

But first, a little DIY I made for christmas. We don't have an outdoor christmas tree this year either so instead I bought some string lights and made a tree shaped decoration on the still boarded up window (with the cat hole). As a reference, I think it's 60-something cm tall and the lights used are these. It's been a tad stormy since I put it up so it's not in the same pristine condition as it was, but it still looks decent enough, especially seen from the road.

[click pic for a close-up, where you can see how the lights 

have been strung in the left pic, which was taken in the 

afternoon rather than at night like the other two were.]

I don't have a long new year's wish for you this year. I simply wish that 2016 will bring you much joy and happiness, may it be a year when dreams come true and new dreams are born. May 2016 be everything you hope for and much more!

Just a short note

I thought I had to just write something short to explain why not much new is popping up on this blog this autumn. Have mentioned it in a comment here or on another blog, but might as well tell you all.

First I didn't blog because I was under the weather with all that's happened these last 12 months -- and now I don't blog because I'm spending the mornings working on one of those unemployment activities one sometimes end up in. It's not easy getting up early in the mornings when you're a night owl -- and then I have a relatively long walk to the bus so I end up being a tad tired when I get home. And, also, there's less time for me to be on the computer blogging now that I don't get home until 14 o'clock every day. E-mails, catching up on blogs etc I follow and writing for my other blog takes precedence, unfortunately.

So, to conclude, I haven't abandoned this blog for ever, nor am I not writing here because I'm still feeling down or am stuck in dark and dreary mood. It's mostly a matter of time now. Hopefully I'll soon get used to my new schedule and find room for blogging too. (But then again, I keep saying stuff like that all the time and then things get in the way and I end up not blogging much anyway...)

Because I haven't shared anything silly our cats have done in ages, here's a pic for you to play "where's the cats?" with. That's Julle next by the door, but what do you think of Ubbi's new best spot for an afternoon nap? (Pic's from september: it's been a bit too cold and rainy lately so he prefers the bed now. And, yes, it's easy for him to get to his napping place, but it's been difficult for him to get back in the same way -- not that that stopped him from jumping up there again the next day.)

Crying over Knatti: part 2

There was of cause no miracle to be had. On monday morning, Knatti was even worse. It was painful to see him suffer and painful to feel like we abandoned him when he needed us near him the most. While I grieve that he had to die, what breaks my heart is feeling that he spent his last days detached from his safety, from his family and home. Someone pointed out that we always die alone, even if we're surrounded by loved ones, but Knatti also suffered his last time alone and that pains me to think of. We were of cause there when he got that final, lethal injection that stopped his heart, but those were just his last minutes. When he was so ill I don't even know if he fully understood that we were there or if he was too ill to be comforted by our presence.

Logically, I know we did the only thing that could be done to try and save his life, but it doesn't change the fact that with the outcome being what it was, this left him very alone in a strange place, subjected to needles and pains without us, those who should protect him from everything bad and soothe him when in pains, for what in a cat's mind must have been a very long time. I can't undo that, I can't turn back time. I can't even persuade myself that it was the right thing to do, the only chance he had, as I can't ignore how that decision determined how his last days became.  And I don't want anyone else to try and persuade me.

And regardless of how he died, there's also another thing: he derserved more years. He wasn't old. He was the kindest of cats, who never harmed anyone who got into fights. Life is unfair, that's just the way it is. And Knatti's short life is just one more example of that. Had life been fair, he'd still have most of his years in front of him. He died too young. That's the long and the short of it: he deserved more years. Many more years.

I posted photos of him in the last post, but missed this one, which shows how sweet he was. It's Knatti with his new baby brother sleeping by his side. He always was the kindest, the one most likely to accept new kittens -- even when they became older, more mischievous, and wanted to play (which includes things like ear biting, which often render them a slap by the adult cats, but not from Knatti). He placidly accepted them, even when more wild than the other big cats, including their moms, found tolerable. Maybe it was only fitting that he got a grave beside some of the youngest kittens in our cat cemetary.

To end this post, I've picked out a few of the pics we took last week when Julle and Knatti came with my sis and I up in the hill. Of all cats, those two are the ones that appreciated our forest walks the most. They loved tagging along (Julle, of cause, still does), not least as they got us to themselves. Two peaceful cats that otherwise are pushed aside by the tougher ones. So in a way it's fitting that the last images of him is in a place and a situation he enjoyed so much. Never in a million years did I on that day think it would be the last time I sat with him in my lap, watching the sunset and stroking his fur on a beautiful, quiet summer evening.

Oh, sweetheart...

Crying over Knatti

It feels like this blog way too often becomes a place for me to cry over cats. This time it's Knatti, sweet, shy little Knatti who has always been the most peaceful of our cats. He's still alive, though just barely hanging on, but unless a miracle happens, there's nothing more to do than take that horrible decision pet owners sometimes have to face.

Knatti went missing earlier this week and while we tried to tell ourselves he was ok, we did worry sooner than we would've with many of the others. Partially because Knatti almost always come in to us 2-3 times a day and is around the house at night, more or less regularly, and partially because he's had a history of sensitive stomach so we want to see him (and feed him) as often as possible to make sure he's ok. I haven't counted, but he was gone at least 48 hours and some more before suddenly turning up yesterday afternoon -- in such a bad condition. I've never seen a cat so dehydrated -- sure, they can be gone and come home dying, but this has happened so, so fast! -- he was in a horrible state and I don't know how he managed to make it home to us. He refused to eat or drink and there was nothing else to do, but hope the vet was in on the biggest summer holiday of the year.

The verdict was grim from the beginning: he was in such a bad state that the vet feared the kidneys were gone and that nothing could be done to help him, but put him on IV to give him a chance. Today I spoke to the vet and the news were just as bad as yesterday. Worse. The treatment hasn't worked (so far), he's not showing the improvements he should be showing at this poing, and we were told to discuss letting him go. He'll stay one more night -- and I'm so sad to have to leave him in an unknown environment for so long, being ill and probably feeling unsecure in this place with new people, new smells, new animals. After all, he came home to be near us and this is how we repay him, leaving him somewhere he doesn't understand -- somewhere that in the end can't save him. I want him at home, in bed where we could comfort him and soothe him. Unless a miracle happens now, tomorrow will be his last day.

(To make matters worse, all mom can go on about is the vet bill, which I'm paying solo, and questioning if we can afford it. If she had her way, Knatti would've been put down already yesterday to minimize both vet costs and the number of cats we have.)

*

That above is the newest pic of Knatti I have here. Have taken a few more just a few days ago, but they're on my sister's camera. Below are a few more pics, which I've shown on the blog before.

Evening addendum: I couldn't sleep well last night and when I did I dreamed of Knatti. Knatti being scared by thunder during the night, us trying to get to Knatti but being unable. Then I woke early and spent most of the morning feel sick and worried, with a big lump churning in the stomach. I tried to distract my mind during the afternoon, perhaps even try to hope for that miracle. A late miracle, but not too late. Now it's almost evening again. Last night I was at least partially able to fall asleep in the evening from the shock of seeing the state Knatti was in, the emotional turmoil, but also from feeling he was in the right hands (even if the verdict was negative already then). This night I don't know how to sleep, know that tomorrow we'll have to decide Knatti's fate and there seem to be only one thing to do. Only hours left -- and he'll spend them alone, so far from us and we so far from him.

The hardest part right now -- especially now that it's soon night -- is that he's at the vets still receiving treatment, one more dark night away, and my heart is breaking because I can't shake off the feeling that he's feeling abandoned and alone, perhaps being not just ill but scared in that strange place without familiar faces or scents (he has a blanket from home so I hope it's a tiny comfort). Facing the fact he'll most likely die very soon isn't easy, but as long as it isn't happening right now I can push it away. Right now I'm crying over him feeling abandoned and frightened by all that's happening: the illness, our taking him to a strange, unknown place and not coming back. I want to hold him in my arms and soothe him and tell him everything's going to be ok. Heck, if possible I would've told the vet I'd spend the night on the floor next to him. Not only can't I make him healthy, I can't even give him comfort because I'm not with him. It just hurts so much thinking of him so alone and uneasy. He doesn't know what's happening to him, where he is, where we are, if we'll even come back. It feels light he was lightyears away from me when he should be at home, safe. If not from illness so safe in the sense of being wrapped in love, familiar surroundings and a peaceful athmosphere.

It just pains me to think that we can't give him that now. We try to give him something else, a chance to live, but it's such a slim chance that it's hard to not just see the unease and ordeal we're putting him through by leaving him at the vet's for treatment this long. I don't want him to worry, to be scared or feel abandoned tonight. It must seem like forever to him since we left him, since we (in his eyes) left him, dumped him, never to return. He came home because he wanted to be near us, to have us help him and we did that by removing him further from us -- in distance and time -- than he's ever been.

Finally, some cat piccies!

I could've shown you some pics from the garden as I've taken a few, but it feels like ages since I did a cat post so here's some pics of Ubbi that I took this afternoon. Blurry once as he was in playful mood, running up and down the branches of the small ash tree.

Meowy Monday: the wood anemone edition

Lately, I've mostly focused on all the colourful flowers that's popping up in the garden: daffodils, forsythia, tulips, pasque flower, violets (they're speading real good!), daisies, dandelions, the yellow flowers on the bush that I don't know the name of, annual honesty, bird cherry, cherry blossom etc. But last week I noticed just how full of wood anemones the hill was this year and decided I had to get some more pics before they started wilted. This time Julle and Knatti acompanied me on the walk so I'm making the pics into a Meowy Monday post (haven't had many of them lately...).

I'm just going to put up the pics in the order they were taken as it's getting late here. Meaning the kitties will be mixed with pics of flowers only.

I said initially that it was wood anemones, but to be fair the wood sorrel is in bloom now too and it helped filling in the carpet of white blossom. So why not end with a close-up of a sweet little oxalis flower?