After rain

Several times have I though about sitting down and writing a new blog post, but every time something has failed me. I haven't abandoned this blog, but ever since Knatti's death I haven't been in the mood to write. For one reason or another, it hasn't been the same reason every day. I've felt drained, my mind has been unhappy, laced with guilt and worries [which is what I'll call it for the sake of this blog].

It was like everything that's happened since last august piled up and Knatti was the final straw. I just couldn't find the energy for things, not for making nor for writing anything (including replies on the kind comments I got from blog readers on that last post before disappearing off the blog). Then came the extremely hot days of July that drained my body rather than my mind -- sunny summer days are lovely, but it was too hot for me. I tried several times to jump start my creativity. Usually it's just a matter of getting started, gaining momentum and then the enthusiasm takes over, rekindle the passion. But this time, it didn't really work. I haven't even picked up my camera very often, which has usually been a way of battling creative ruts with its instant satisfaction and motivation to go for walks, get the body working.

The few things I started didn't enthuse me, the results were poor and left me feeling blue and useless rather than pushing me to do something else, something more. I just got frustrated and then not doing anything made me feel guilty and tired. While I have enjoyed many of the summer days, those feelings of guilt and tiredness have almost always been there. Not always all-consuming, often almost gone or just like a dull feeling in the back of the head. It certainly haven't been a deeply depressing time and I've had some good times, but the energy levels have often been low and it's easy to forget the good days when feeling down. So despite all the good and great days, it feels like I've wasted a summer. You can't rewind time and there's always a kind of guilt in feeling you've wasted time.

Those grey clouds in my mind also affected my writing. I've posted on my other blog throughout the summer, but it was pretty much done on autopilot. A few times I felt like posting here, but the words didn't come, or I lost energy sitting down in front of the blank computer screen. I didn't feel any enthusiasm about blogging.

I have however pinned. Pinning is easy, effortless but still rewarding. I can still get really into searching for things, looking around websites for new finds etc. So pinning has kept me from feel too listless, it's given me something to do. Something FUN to do. I've also found myself getting back to an interest I've had before, but which is even more expensive than beading or cats: perfume. Especially niche perfumes. When you can't make anything else work, scents are really great pick-me-ups. They can remind one of cherished memories, happy things, favourite places, they can paint a picture for you or transport you to another place, they can calm you down or make you feel warm and cozy. In my usual way, taking up a hobby or getting a new/renewed interest in something means immersing myself. Partially it's a matter of money: if you can't buy all that you want, you can at least read up on it and that's what I've done. So far I've got a list of over 570 perfumes I want to try after reading fragrance pyramids and reviews. That's not counting the half dozen samples already bought.

Especially two of the perfumes really helped my mood. One was an aquatic/marine rose fragrance that was a great soothing, calming and cooling scent for the sunny days and one was a warm, cozy woody vanilla for the rainy and cold days and, especially, nights. Because the weather turned, not just changed a little but did almost a 180 degree turn. And not for the better.

In mid-august the tropical heat of July turned into quite the opposite. The temperatures plummeted, it started raining every day, we got the gale-force winds of late autumn and everything was just wet and chilly. It was more like mid-october than mid-august! Felt like the weather lasted for ages, but of cause it's just been a couple of weeks. Warm socks and cozy vanilla perfume has kept the grey outside from building up too much inside me, but it's still been some dreary weeks.

A few days ago, I started an autumn pinboard to try an pick myself up as I usually do love autumn a lot and at the same time the weather changed. The heavy grey skies are -- literally -- gone with the wind. Today the sun is shining, the sky is a brilliant blue only partially obscured by clouds that are more white than grey, there's just a slight, crisp wind and the last rain is now only visible as drops on the leaves and grass. The combination of the two has really brightened my mind. It still feels more like october than august, but at least it feels like sunny october days.

And that's where I'm at right now. Feeling like things are getting a little better. My mood, the weather. I'm looking forward to a beautiful autumn and I hope it'll also make me feel better. Some sunshine, crisp but gentle winds, apple picking, grape eating and forest walks is what I need now to recharge my batteries and air out all the bad thoughts -- and these are the perfect days for it now. Things feel a bit brighter now.

Happy Midsummer's eve!

Hope you're having a lovely midsummer's eve and weekend!

Snapshot from the garden

Oh, I haven't forgotten my dear little blog, it's just that I'm busy at the moment. As are many who are in one way or another involved in agriculture this time of year. So this is just a short note to say I'm still here and I hope to get time to blog soon (I have a few things I want to show). Until then, here's a photo from the garden taken a few days ago. It's pretty wild and unruly this year for obvious reasons and a few unexpected ones, but that's how I like gardens anyway so I'm really enjoying it. Even when the grass on the lawn is taller than a  cat's tail (you should see them jump through it when they're in a hurry, too hurried to walk through the jungle).

Copper and lime/chartreuse

I don't know... am I weird for loving this colour combo? I know I have a couple of colour combos that no one seems to like as much as I do. This might be one of them -- or is there others out there that likes this too?

It's especially the mix of coppery autumn leaves and yellow-green foliage as you can see in these pics of wild strawberry plants and fallen horse-chestnut leaves. There's just something about the brilliance of the colours that I fall for even if such bright lime/chartreuse colours, almost neon at times, isn't usually my cup of tea (OT: I don't like tea so tea isn't my cup of tea either). Perhaps it's the environment in which I find these colours that does it. The garden when summer turns into autumn with leaves often bright and crisp as they've been washed by a rain shower or covered by dew after a cold night. Add to that the warm light from a sun that sets early -- now more to the west than during summer and thus in a straight angle to the garden.

This isn't a new thing either, not a sudden love of an eye-catching colour that'll fade as fast as it came (as my current interest in neon pink -- have suddered at the mere mentioning of neon, but loved them as a kid and kind of fell in love with that crazy colour again when neon came into fashion again). This is something I've been thinking of and enjoyed taking photos of for several years now -- see e.g. this post and others tagged autumn. But still I've probably never used the colour combo in my works. Probably because I worry about not finding the right beads, that the colours won't have the crisp vibrance they have in the leaves around the farm.

Alas, I just have to mention that there's a sad thing about these photos. Had I taken them these few last weeks it'd would've been nothing but lovely autumn photos, but they're taken on july 25th. In the middle of the summer our beautiful, big horse chestnut tree looked like this:

Half the tree never even got leaves this spring and the half that did started shedding them way too early. I so hope it isn't really diseased and have to come down. There's been something afflicting horse chestnut trees around the country for some years now and I hope this isn't it. I'd cry seeing this tree being cut down. It's always been there in the middle of the garden for as long as I can remember. Not an ideal climbing tree, we still tried to climb up it several times. We've played around it and gathered conkers and leaves every autumn when we were kids. It's not the farm's vårdträd ("warden tree"), I'd say the ash by the road is that, but it's still one of two remaining big trees in the garden (the other being the much older ash, the third used to be the century-old pear tree that snapped in a storm years ago and which is now but a stump though still alive). I just wish it has many more years left to live. It'd leave a big empty space behind if it died, not just literally in the garden but in my heart. I love our big, old trees.

The golden hour

I took these photos on 12 august. Still summer, but you can really feel what season is coming. The photos were taken during the golden hour (which actually is longer than an hour this far from the equator) and the sky was filled with dark clouds after a rainy day, which gave the sunset some extra glow.

 The rowantrees are looking lovely right now, especially in the golden evening light.

 The rallarros (aka mjölkört, rosebay willowherb, firewood, Chamerion angustifolium) also gets a vibrand, warm colour. Unfortunately, the sun was setting fast and there wasn't enough light left to get a sharp photo without tripod so the below photo was the best I got.

Just a pic -- august evenings

Going through photos I uploaded today, I came to this and noticed that there was a ferry on the horizon that I never saw when taking the photo. Or, I guess it's the ferry as the go on that route from Denmark to the west coast and Norway, but there are also real, fancy cruise ships in these waters during summer (the local morning paper even keep their readers update of all cruise ships passing through the strait or stopping by Helsingborg in a cruise log). Hopefully I'll have some more pics to show soon, but I'm partially busy with challenge projects so not making any promises.

The white spot on the right is one of several cows grazing in a field, by the way.

Meowy Monday: Cat photos of the week (and paint musings)

I was taking some photos of the worktable we have outdoors, mainly used for paint jobs which has given it layers upon layers of paint (blobs, sprays, drips, splashes) covered by a weathered patina -- perfect for photo textures! -- when some of the cats decided they wanted to join in. Don't know how many times I had to put down Uggi on the ground and move Mimi. After giving up taking more photos of the tabletop, I decided to take a few pics of the cats and the table. As the cats were in the way the whole time, I might as well give up and take photos of them instead. This is what happened then:

Oh, so now you can get off the table and stay off it, Uggi...

Pardon? You wonder what the tabletop look like? Well, I'm taking more and hopefully better (= cat free) pics tomorrow, hopefully, but if you're curious here's one photo I got from a section of the masonite surface.

And speaking of paint -- I just ordered some. Actually I was just going to order some shells so I could make a copy of this necklace of mine for grandma as she liked my necklace, but it was too dear for me to give her. Those shells aren't always easy to find. Especially not if buying a cheap large bag from the US isn't an option. Luckily, a shop I have a long wishlist in recently added the shells to their range and it just happened to be a shop selling Pébéo's fantasy paints -- paints I've been dying to play with for many months (if you follow me on Pinterest, you've probably seen that).

I'd like to paint more.Colourizing metal, creating mixed media components, painting fabric for (bead) embroidery), staining paper, make glass cabochons -- or just doodle. Paint is exciting, especially with all the amazing colour and effect paints and media available today.

Painting is fun, but it's not something I've dabbled with that much for the last 15 or so years. Though back then it was mostly about painting pictures. When giving up all but the occasional watercolour doodle, I would just use paint a couple of times for furniture makeover. Staining that unpainted ikea chair I got for the student apartment, adding colour to a wooden box or revamping the old mirror my parents gave me. That sort of thing.

The painting I want to do now is really just more related to that than to the artist dreams I had as a kid. More about playing with crackle and patina effects, simple paint techniques, stamping/stenciling/printing projects etc. Like you can see in my pinboards (mostly Colour it! and Crackle, patina and faux finishes, but also Stamping and printing techniques). Besides encaustic wax, paint is probably the thing that interest me the most right now.

Instead of cat photos -- a frog

We've had some real downpours today and yesterday with recurring thunder so I've only been able to sit on the computer on and off, several times rushing to close everything down and pull out the cords as the thunder rolls in. And it's been rolling in fast these days.

Anyway, no Meowy Monday, but instead I'm showing you a pic of a little frog my sis found. Well, actually she rescued it from Uggi, who was happy to have found a new playmate/toy/prey. Cute, isn't he? The frog, I mean.

Sleeping butterflies

The other day my sis and I went up the hill to take some photos of the sunset, accompanied by Julle and with Knatti meeting up in the coppice. When we got up, we kept stumbling into a lot of sleeping butterflies. Much easier to get photos of them there than trying to chase them daytime when they flutter incessantly over the garden, never sitting down long enough for you to get any photos.

It's pretty much just white butterflies. We have a lot of them this year as they were attracted by the rapeseed blossoms on the other side of the road.

Tried to take photos of the thunder last night...

Now, I should explain that at this point it was getting really dark (because of the thunderclouds and the time, being after 10 o'clock as it was) and I kept missing the lightning -- as in the photo above -- but most of all the thunder was still far away and I didn't see any lightning branches. All that was happening, apart from hearing the thunder, was the clouds being illuminated by it and that's what you can see here. It's not the sunset as you might expect, but lightning colouring the clouds pink. The orange in the bottom left corner of the last photo is sunset colours, but the rest, from the horizon up, is all lightning.

After these photos where taken, the thunderclouds blocked out all that was left of the twilight and the thunder didn't seem to get closer so I gave up. You can even see it getting darker in the photos (where the last one is taken about 9 minutes after the first one). The thunder, however, didn't get close until the middle of the night. And at that time I was trying to sleep and not in the mood to try and capture lightning on camera.

Sorry about the telephone pole, by the way: I was sitting indoors taking these photos from the only window facing the thunder so there wasn't much I could do to avoid it.

So to conclude: lightning photos is something I need to work on, but I doubt I will. I'm not so fond of thunder that I'll go outdoors during a thunderstorm just to get some so-so lightning photos. I'll just keep admiring the photos taken by pros instead! Better to just sit back, feel save indoors and look out the window just enjoying the equally fabulous and terrifying view. If you have an open skyline, a thunderstorm can be awesome to watch (provided it doesn't get close enough to make you scared about it striking the house).

Cat photos of the week

Having spent Monday and Tuesday baking in the hot sun (peaked around 30 degrees on Mon -- and not even the slightest breeze) working long hours in the potato fields (where there were stinging flies too to top it all off) and then having a friend of my sister's over Tuesday and Wednesday, I took a few days off the computer. Which in my case means reading e-mails and blog feeds just because I hate having a huge backlog later, but not doing anything more productive online. But today I'm going to be slightly productive and show some pics I took of Julle last night. Meowy Monday of a friday this week as per the summer "schedule".

Alas, if only I had thought of going up the hill a bit earlier! Now the sun was already behind the horizon and the sunset colours were fading fast as was the light. Julle posing was perfect, just wish I'd had the backdrop to make him justice. Still, there's always another time. And, besides, had I gone earlier it isn't sure that Julle would've been in the mood to follow me.

Not cancelling Meowy Monday, it's just...

There's been no Meowy Monday post this monday either. Of cause I've often missed the monday, posting some other day instead, but last week there was no cat photo post and today I didn't have time/feel like doing one either. Not giving up on them, though, it's just temporary -- even if beginning to slip like this is often the first sign of giving up.

Now, you can ask why I write posts like this. Why do I feel the need to promise to do better, to slap myself on the fingers in public? Surely, this is my guilt-free blogging blog, my personal space where I do what ever I want to do and you, my dear reader, is just a guest enjoying the visit, not my boss demanding something from me. Still, I feel a sort of responsibility, that blogging is some sort of contract where I've offered to serve you something and not doing it is being a bad hostess. If the cats is one of the things that made you come here in the first place and perhaps add my blog in your reader or subscribing via e-mail, then I want to give you those cats. It's not like it's a huge thing. The only bad thing is really that I on one hand want to excuse myself for being such a bad blogger, that is a bad hostess for you my guest, and on the other hand I just think excuse after excuse looks bad -- worse than just letting the blog be deserted for a few more days. (Also, part of the issue is probably more subconscious, that lack of blogging is showing my lack of mojo, exposing my drained creativity and my low energy levels.)

But, hey, let's talk about something else. Because feeling uncreative -- exasserbated by a few projects that failed when transformed from sketches on paper and ideas in the head to a tangible object -- doesn't mean lacking ideas. Just a few minutes ago I got this urge to make a needle book. It's not a new idea, I've had it on and off for ages, it's just that I can't decide on the shape, size, number of "pages", how to organize the needles and all those other practical details you need to know before starting the project. It's just that today I got a new vision for my needle book, partially inspired by the new take my book pinboard has taken since I began including journals/notebooks and handmade books on it.

Like with most things, once I get interested I get very interested (apparently a common trait in introverts). Not crazy obsessed, but it's like my curiosity and drive to learn more -- which got me to university and would've kept me there if I could get student loans forever -- fusions with my hoarding/collecting genes and I gotta catch 'em all (no, I'm not into Pokemon at all, it's just that it's the perfect phrase for how my brain works once it gets interested in something). In this case it means that I don't have one of two packs of beading needles -- I have at least half a dozen different once, some never even used: the common long beading needles in threes sizes (10, 13, 15), curved beading needles, sharps/embroidery, ballpoint embroidery beading needles, twisted/collapsible eye needles, big-eye needle. Plus a small collection of embroidery needles (actually a silk ribbon embroidery needle sampler) and an array of cheap needles accumulated since childhood or "borrow" from mom's stash of assorted sewing needles.

Leaving the general embroidery and sewing needles aside, that's still quite a few needles to fit in the needle book while still leaving room for new additions. Ok, needles don't take up that much space, but you need to fit labels and organize the needles in a logical way, which demands free space around the needles too. And since I want to do an awesome needle book, I want to be able to use it for all my needles for a long time. It needs to be flexible enough to have room for needles I don't use today, but might need to buy in a few years' time.

Having never done a needle book or hard-cover book/journal of any kind, I feel like it's not just about sketching on a design, but about learning new techniques and all the tips and tricks behind making a durable, good looking needle book just the way I want it. This is definitely a long term project!

"Behind the scenes"

Remember that digital doodle I showed here? Well, today I took some photos and it included a couple of the old windows from that photo so I thought I'd show you the original photo before photo manipulation and a few pics of the windows themselves.

 Managed to get some sunshine through the glass, which made a huge difference (it has been somewhat enhanced in the finished doodle, though). For the pic I used a texture made from a photo of weeds seen through the greenhouse glass so there's actually two types of glass even though one can't really see the latter.

As I've mentioned many times before, I love taking photos of all the old glass we have lying around. Some of it is fitted on the greenhouses. Some makes up the old henhouse and barn windows -- you know which ones those are as they're covered in cobwebs. Some are just being stacked against a wall, waiting to be used. And some narrow old windows are being reused as cold frame covers (I often call them hotbeds as I never remember what cold frames are called in english, but they are cold frames). Now that it's warm, those windows have been stacked against a decaying old wooden chair under a big bush in the garden behind the barn (where the smaller, still useful, greenhouse is). 

 You have to get close to the glass to really appreciate the textures and colours you can get when photographing old glass that's been subjected to weather and wind. And algae, weeds, dirt, everything that objects are exposed to when being left outdoors for years and never having been properly cleaned or restored every now and then.

Midsummer nights

My idea was to be up and take photos during the midsummer night (i.e. night between Midsummer's eve and Midsummer's day), but it rained. A lot. And then the sky was heavy with dark clouds obscuring the twilight. Below is a pic taken from the evening between two rain showers. Pretty, but not much light at all. It didn't feel like a good choice of a wakeful night.

However, as I found it hard to sleep last night I was up then instead. First I took a few pics around midnight, then I read The Whisperers for a few hours (the tome has over 700 pages so it's taking me a while to read) before, in vain, trying to sleep. So I got up around 03:30 in the morning and then again half an hour later when there were more light. Was too tired to stay up longer and see the actual sunrise, which I checked was round 04:20, so just photos of dawn, not a sunrise. I rarely get photos of sunrises for two reasons: I'm not a morning person and the view to the east is obscured by trees. It can happen i june because I stay up a few extra hours: being used to going to bed after midnight it's not too hard to wait for the light to return.

These are some of the pics I took last night when staying up, waiting for dawn. Please excuse the quality: I didn't have a tripod so some pics are a bit blurry and others are noisy due to the minimal light. If not otherwise noted all photos are facing north (exception being photos of the rapeseed field, which is to the west/southwest).

22:50 (barely one hour after the sun set)

Midnight

03:30

Looking back at the moon over our garden. The pic above is taken facing northwest, looking for the sun.

04:00

Because of the weather this wasn't the best summer night to stay up, the rain clouds and cold "ruined" it, but otherwise there's something magical about experiencing a night in june outdoors. Watching dusk turn into dawn, listening to the birds sing and the cows and horses graze, hearing the hum from the neighbour's stables, feeling the lukewarm night air and the dewy grass, seeing all the white flowers floating in the darkness of the foliage. It's just beautiful. So peaceful. So joyous.

It's a pleasure any summer night, but when the weather is warm and the sky cloud free it's something special. Truly magical. I'm keeping my fingers crossed there's be such a night this year -- before the nights get too dark and too long again.